I wrote this in April. Forgot I never posted it!
Ever hang around 3 year olds? They ask “why?” all the stinking time. I’ve heard moms deal with their 3 year olds and more often than not they’ll answer a few of the “why’s?” then when they get fed up with answering it or don’t know the answer they’ll ignore it or just respond with “Just Because!” or “That’s just the way it is.”
I’ve been asking God “Why?” a lot this past year. If someone had told me a year ago, I’d be where I was today. I’d laugh and say “No way. That’s terrible, I’d never be able to get through all that.” Here I am today, going through it. I am spouting off the Christian answers to life’s troubles to try and soothe my soul. “It’s happening for a reason.” “God will redeem this.” “You are not alone.” Deep down having no earthly clue what to do because I haven’t heard from God at all since any of this happened. I’ve felt really lost. Confused. I felt like he was done listening to the why questions I kept asking and has just settled with ignoring me or saying “Just because.” Believing that you are suffering for no reason is like the worst feeling in the world and this morning I had reached that point. I believed that this was all for nothing. This morning, after deciding that God was never going to answer why, I gave one last little silent plea:
God, Why am I in pain?
He answered that question with a question.
“Is it worth it?”
“Is what worth it?” I asked
“if a year, 5 years, or 15 years down the road, you told your story, this
story, with this pain. And a person was so moved by your testimony that
they accepted Christ, is this pain you are feeling right now, worth it?”
I stopped folding my laundry immediately. And thought about it. My heart pounded and I shook my head yes. There’s a lot of hurting people out there. And the more I go through, the more I struggle the more I can say with confidence to others: “Um, I went through this and this. and there is no stinking way I did it by myself. God comforted me, God gave me reason to wake up in the morning. And I know you are struggling and I want to point you to Him who can help you too because life sucks way too much to try and do it alone. He loves you”
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When
they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has
given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT