Why does the enemy bother convincing us we are terrible people using such mundane things such as our weight and appearance? I feel like he has better things to do like start wars in distant lands that don’t involve me..however, the reality is that he is causing wars in my mind and convincing my heart that God is distant. Why does he haunt me in the mirror and scream at me in clothes stores? Because The enemy convinced two perfectly satisfied people that they were starving to death in the Garden and He won’t stop there. Self loathing, insecurity, shame are all tools the enemy uses to beat me down. Some days it’s in a dressing room when he tells me I am unworthy and unlovable because of the number on my clothes , some days it’s in my classroom, when he tells me that my success as a human depends on the good behavior of 3 4 and 5 year olds. He whispers to me in church services, and says that I’m not doing enough and that God is pretty disappointed in me. Even now as I write these words on my phone as I pace the aisles of Target, he says “wow stop being such a baby, stop playing the victim card.” And the voice is familiar, the one I’ve heard in my own head for years. It’s my own voice so, I can trust it right? Who knows me better than me? GOD does. He has known me for an eternity, familiar with all my ways, I don’t even know why I do what I do but God does. He knows when fear motivates me instead of love, he knows when I jump on the treadmill of good works to try and earn his approval and he knows when i wipe my sweat and pat myself on the back for a job well done checking off “religious works” off my to do list. Paul says in Ephesians it is by grace you have been saved…not by works.
That my friends is permission to step off the treadmill, you can’t outrun your past but you can run to Christ and let him heal your past. You can’t earn God’s love or grace, it’s freely bestowed on you otherwise it wouldn’t be called grace. Stop trying to pay Him back.
REST. turn off your phone. Sit up on your bed and tell yourself the truth: God loves you. Right now, all the doubts, hurts, joys, fears. He loves you. He won’t love you more in a few years, he won’t love you less if you wander. So ,
Take those negative thoughts captive, lock them up and throw away the key. Tell yourself “that’s not true.” And replace those thoughts with scripture. What’s one lie you can replace with truth?? Tell a friend a lie you believe about yourself and ask them to pray that God will help you replace that lie with truth.