My cat Stinkle is a mess. But I love her. She’s the cat I always wanted: she follows me everywhere, she sleeps by my feet every night, and is always ALWAYS purring. This girl never stops. I’ve grown rather attached to her and am actually really thankful for her. I had a really crappy week and today (the worst day so far) she came into the office where I was sitting, jumped up on my lap and climbed up to where she was sitting on my chest, purring as usual.
Stinkle does hate two things though. She hates Phantom (our other cat) and she hates being held. Every time I try and hold her, she flips out. She squirms, cries and claws at me. I’m no cat psychologist, but I think Stinkle hates being held because when she is being held she’s not in control anymore. She’ll sit on me, she’ll lay next to me, she’ll make dough on my stomach with her sharp claws. But, never has she let me hold her. And and it’s sad to me, because in some strange way it’s like she doesn’t trust me. I’ve done nothing to hurt her in her 6 years of life, but there’s just something about her that hates being held.
And in a way, I can relate. I like having two feet on the ground, I like being in control. I like knowing what is going to happen next, and where I’m going to be. When God wants me to trust Him, when God wants me to rest in His arms, my first instinct is to squirm. I wiggle. I make any attempt to figure out what is happening. I exhaust any energy I have to try to get back up on my own two feet. If that doesn’t work, then, I complain and worry and argue. Then, I want to put some distance between me in God. Sometimes, if I’m honest, I like it better when I’m sitting next to God, or when I’m just in the same room as Him. I like when I have the illusion of having some control. He’s there. I’m there. It’s all good.
Ya know, whenever Stinkle wiggles in my arms or claws at me. My first reaction isn’t hate or disgust, it saddens me. I’m sad. I love the time i get with my cat, I love that she loves me so much. I just want her to let me love her. I wonder if God feels the same way about us. We push Him away, we claim we “got this”, we trip we fall, He runs like a loving father to pick us up, we push Him away, we claim we “got this”, we trip we fall, He runs like a loving father to pick us up. All the while He’s whispering “Marlie, let me hold you. Rest in me. Find Healing in me. This world has caused you great pain. Let me love you. All of you. The messy parts, the broken parts. The doubts, the anger, the questions, the pride, the beauty, the pain. Let me love you. And even if you don’t, I still will love you.”
I don’t know if my cat will ever let me hold her, but I’m going to allow God to hold me.
What better arms to be found in?
Read Psalm 91.