Real Talk: Endings suck

I really enjoy roller coasters.  I’ll never forget all the memories I have of going to Six Flags with friends and family. And the countless other amusement parks that I’ve been to. There’s this strange thing that happens to me each time I ride a coaster though, particularly with the rides I’m familiar with. I was riding Titan,  tall orange coaster and having a blast like I always do. But there’s a point in the ride, when I know it’s ending. It’s not over yet, there’s still a few bunny hills, and a few turns left. But, I know it’s ending and I throw my hands in the air, close my eyes and try and take in every single moment I spend the last few moments of the ride trying to enjoy the last few moments so much that I end up psyching myself out and I don’t enjoy it.  Marlie, you’re such a weirdo.  Yeah I know. But look, endings suck. I hate when rides end, I hate when movies end, I hate when stuff ends.  And right now, I’m staring at the end of my undergraduate career and in less than a year,  I’ll walk across the stage, grab a paper, shake a hand, and get kicked off this ride I’ve been on for the last 3 years.

It’s not over yet; there’s still papers to write, a thesis to defend,  a semester abroad in London, and many more memories to make. But to be honest,  this is hard. This school and these people and this part of my life has just been amazing.  And see whenever I get sentimental, I’m like “Marlie, the ride is not over yet.” I know. But I know it’s coming to an end. For the first time, I’m focused on the ending, not another part of the ride. When you start something (like college) you never think that you’ll see the end.  I saw Seniors as some mysterious creature who had everything together and life was bliss for them. I never saw myself as one of them.  I never consciously thought that senior year would come. Not in a “I’m going to fail and never graduate way.” But you just don’t think of the end until the end is all that’s left of the journey. Ya know, it’s like, when I rode Titan (which had the most unbearably long hill) I wasn’t thinking about the end as soon as the train left the station, I was thinking about the hill. Then the drop, then the turns, and corkscrews and the part where the ride pauses and almost dumps everyone out sideways.  And then what’s left to think about when it’s almost over, except the end?

And I’m trying so desperately hard to enjoy these months on campus, with these people, and professors, and a town with 4 restaurants to choose from. I was going to ask for advice on how to do this when the end is coming,  but I think I answered my own question in the beginning.

I’m going to throw my hands up, close my eyes and take in each moment that comes.

P.S.
Post college people, please feel free to comment below and tell me that life outside of college is going to be okay.

Thank you 🙂

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