With a heavy backpack and a heavier heart, I was walking to the library to do some homework. I had been on a couple of drives that week, just wanting nothing more than to have a moment of peace. When it wasn’t school, it was family, when it wasn’t family, it was friends, when it wasn’t friends it was my own personal junk. And last semester in particular it was all four at once. In case you were wondering, it’s hard to drive away from your problems; they are there with you in the car. And, then you just have to go back in the first place. That evening in the parking lot en route to the library, I looked up at the sky and saw a flock of birds. Four or five. Flying in that v-formation, it seemed like a flawless dance routine in the sky. They required no practice, music, or communication. They just flew in sync with each other. I continued to watch them and strangely, a wave of peace came over me. I told myself that day that I’d look up at the birds whenever I needed encouragement. Such a weird thing to say but it worked for me. Tonight, I was reading Psalms and happened upon a verse that made me sob. David said “Oh that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert. I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.” (Ps: 55:6-8) I cried because it reminded me of that I day gazed up at the birds. I cried because this guy David felt overwhelmed with fear and anguish, like I did, and looked up at the sky and found hope in watching the birds fly too. I laughed because I could stop calling myself the crazy bird lady. If a guy in the bible can find symbolic hope in the birds, then so can I, gosh darn it. When God calls me home, I’ll gain some killer wings of my own and fly home . Until then, like David said “I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.” (Ps 57:1b) Until then, I know that even though I struggle to find the words to pray, the Holy Spirit is translating every tear,  and every thought. I take comfort knowing that God knows more about me, the situation, and why this is happening than I ever will. Though He seems distant, and unmoved I know that is so far from the truth. Until then, I grip to the promise of Jesus’ words on the mount:

 Blessed are those who mourn; for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)


Do you hear me?

I try, I cry, but I want to fly

with You on wings

in the clouds, free from

the ruins and broken things


Where is the bread?

I’m thirsty, where are you?

was I misled?


This life, it takes

after Jekyl and Hyde

 this heart, a hot-air balloon

weighed down and tied

with bags of sand

the chapter closed and

the lines are cut

ascension begins, instant

longing for the security in 

familiarity-faces, places,

the ground.


“Look up.” He said.

“Come soar with me,

I see through your mask,

you are oh, so weary.

You can life free.

Sins, hurts, regrets

all vanish, for I paid the penalty.

my love for you is extravagant,

Come soar with me.”



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